Been feeling a bit overwhelmed. Have a big trip to prep for and logistics is a big mess. Most important at this moment is finding an experienced crew to take us and everyone thinks we’re crazy for wanting to go on such a long trip without any experience when it’s gonna be miserably cold, wet, and dark. It’s starting to give me a headache. Here I am crossing my fingers that somehow we’ll be able to put a team together.

Passed the screening round and now gonna sit in a big exam in mid-Dec. Success rate is minuscule. For the first time, I’m actually more driven by money matter than personal interest, let’s say 60/40. The list of study material is endless. Another headache.

Ending my job at the end of this year, and then what? I honestly would love to take a big chunk of time off, say several months, and travel. But the past few months have been interesting (not excluding some of the worst moments of my life) and I’m now at a point where I feel like I really have to chart out my next year carefully, strategically, both in terms of money and career. So much more is at stake when someone else’s involved and my plan is not about just me anymore. Sometimes I do wish that I could make more simple life choices. Having too many options is not always a good thing for the mind. That said, these are opportunities for me to grow and be brave. Being a bit unconventional and still making it work, that requires effort and resourcefulness, and some money would help too. I have never used so many neurons thinking about money before in my life. Lucky I know. Anyway, I’m gonna put all of me into making it work and I’m giving myself a 1-year deadline. If it doesn’t work by then, maybe it’s just too much for us, too far of a fantasy for our reality, or it’s simply not meant to be. Regardless, I love you and I want us.

Working full-time has made me realize how incredibly lazy I am. I have a great job and I haven’t been working that long and yet I can’t stop thinking about not having to work (full-time) anymore. That said, I do have a career plan that has been in the back of my mind for years. And I feel like now is the time for me to try it out. Now or probably never. Question is, will I be able to even get half a foot in the door?

Somehow, I gotta make all of the above things work out, together. Somehow.

Finally got to catch up with a very good friend. Seeing how thriving her business is made me so happy and almost brought tears to my eyes, especially knowing how she’s put all of her life into it and how hard she is still working every single day. We all have these “big” dreams that are really quite simple. We want to live life fully and truthfully.