I’m taking digital photography this semester and the process has been self-revealing, thinking about what kind of images I respond strongly to, what kind of subjects I am drawn to…

In the beginning, I was pretty happy with my works. I have taken quite a few portraits of strangers that turn out quite decent, and I told my class how much I enjoyed the short interaction with all the built-in presumption about what the other is and is not. At that time, I thought it was very reflective of my own general approach in live: making snap judgment, building rapport in a short amount of time.
But now looking at the photos all together to prepare my portfolio, I feel frustrated. They look repetitive, and there’s something else – I don’t know exactly what it is, but I’m not as satisfied as I was a couple of months ago
I talked about this with J., a guy in my class. He suggested writing my thoughts down and I realized that I hadn’t written anything in my dairy for the past 3 months – it’s time to start again.
Thinking about photography is forcing me to rethink my life and reevaluate issues that I thought I’d resolved (this sounds heavy). And this may be why (unconsciously) I have been so resistant to the idea of making my photos more personal, to be more invested in my subjects and my models.
I thought I’d learned how to balance: how to build friendship without getting too intensely attached. In the past few years, I’ve made quite a few friends, people who mean the world to me, but I cannot name one that I would get to see somewhat regularly in the next couple of years. And I thought I had come to terms with it. But maybe I’ve been kidding myself the whole time, maybe I’m still struggling.
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